I'm usually driving to California right now, at this time of year. It's killing me knowing that I won't be able to see my parents or my sister. Having those two weeks of just immersing myself with their presence usually refuels my soul. I hate that I can't be around my sister, laughing with her, talking with her about everything and just happy to be in her presence. She's such a force of positivity and light. It's like staring at the sun. You can't look away. She's so beautiful and thoughtful and it's killing me not to be with her this year. She's Camden's Godmother and I hate that he can't see her or spend more time with her to really know her because he would be so blessed. I hate living this far away from her. It kills me. I hate not being able to celebrate kids' birthdays and holidays together. I can't afford to live there though. Living in Oklahoma has me in a constant state of depression because I struggle daily to get out of bed. It sucks.