The past 5 weeks have been surreal. I have watched someone come into this world, and I’ve never been privy to that beauty. There’s something that every person should experience. The joy of birth. I didn’t get to see my two teenagers being born because I had to have a c-section with both. But watching my littlest, make his way into this world via his birth mom was the most captivating moment I’ve ever seen.
I cried like a two year old. I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never cried that way in my adult life, or my childhood, that I’m aware of. It was deep and guttural, excited and anticipated. It was like I couldn’t breathe, but at the same time a new life was being breathed into me. This beautiful little being was brought into this world. When I saw him, I really did fall in love with him. He was spectacular and awe inspiring. I’m sure I’m being completely bias, because he’s mine. I didn’t create him, I didn’t birth him, but he had my heart from the moment he made his appearance.
It was also uncomfortable, because I didn’t know if I should’ve been feeling this way. I wanted to be more reserved because I didn’t exactly know how the birth parents were feeling and I didn’t want to take anything away from them. I mean, come on! This other woman just gave birth to this beautiful little boy, and she had to do ALL the work! I didn’t want to seem to callous or like he was just mine and only mine, but I was so drawn to him. I couldn’t stop staring. This little dude had me enraptured and I couldn’t shake it off. The birth parents were looking at me funny when I was completely ugly crying, because it was probably a scary thing, and it made me feel self conscious. I didn’t know how to react! I didn’t know what was ok. But at the same time, I couldn’t control one ounce of myself. It’s like some other person took hold of my body and robbed me of my senses, and all I could see was him. This amazing little boy who was perfect, and beautiful, and chubby, and even more beautiful.
I asked myself, how am I this lucky? How did I get so blessed with this little boy? How was God able to grant me my prayers after 8 years. I’ve felt guilty, for being blessed with him and also having two children of my own, knowing that there are couples out there that just want one. I’ve felt joy, then another wave of guilt because I read other bloggers who have been longing for children, and did I get too much? Have I taken away from someone else? But I can’t help who I love and I don’t just love this little boy. I ADORE him. It’s like he’s one of my own, because he is my own. He may not be of my blood, or of my body, but this little boy sure has my heart, and he shares it with his older brother and sister. Blessed, I am beyond blessed. I will never ask for another miracle again, because God has provided me with 3.
So, with all my heart, I want to say, that my life is multiplied with love and trust and I have such a grateful heart. Because I now have my three. And that’s all I could’ve ever wanted.